Ahh, satire

I'm sick of my cell phone working only 5% of the time. I sent this to Cincinnati Bell's customer service.

Hello, this is John Pate, a cell phone customer. I am writing to commend you on your excellent cell phone service, particularly in regard to connecting people with phones and the capabilities of those phones. I must say that I have enjoyed countless minutes of fun playing Snake II on my Nokia.
However, recently I have become interested in the rumored capability of a cell phone to make "calls" to other phones. When I first received my phone, it seemed able to do this, but I have come to realize that this was an elaborate game with recorded words from my acquaintances. Was it a shareware game? I never purchased a registration code, so that seems a satisfactory explanation for why it stopped working. Or perhaps I simply have beaten the game and I am simply playing the last level over and over. Sometimes when I go through the procedure to make a call I get three high-pitched beeps, and sometimes I get three low-pitched beeps, and then the "call" ends. Do high-pitched beeps indicate victory in this game?
Whatever the case may be, I would like to add to my phone the capability to make these "calls." Which company do you recommend for this service? Which service do most Cincinnati Bell employees use? I recently was able to do this quite well in Chicago, where my phone said that I was on some sort of extended network. I have been told that there is some sort of deal with AT&T. Is this true? Perhaps AT&T would be a good choice for me.

Thank you for your input!

John Pate



-=-raptur-=-