I suppose I should make this post

I have realized that I am agnostic, regarding both the existence of God specifically and the existence of the supernatural generally. It's strange that this should happen, as I have grown up in Christian surroundings and have tried to preserve the supernatural.

However, this "loss of faith," I suppose it could be called, was not caused by any sort of proof by logical contradiction. It has occurred, I think, because holding to any sort of belief in the literal truth of any supernatural entity is opposed to my basic being. I have come to realize that I am, at root, a machine of discovery, a machine of learning. I held to my Christian beliefs strongly when I was younger because they afforded a means by which to increase my understanding of the world. They provided questions to ask, and the material with which to answer those questions.

But that is no longer true.

Looking back, every step away from the beliefs of my youth has been precipated by an attempt to glean new kinds of understanding about the world around me. Understanding the dynamic of complex systems and the inter-relations of ecosystems began a systematic conversion of Biblical understanding from literal to symbolic. And then studying history through primary source documents led to a consideration of scripture as the product of a culture and various competing movements and viewpoints within that culture; the conversion then carried on from symbolic to literary.

And so now, while I am able to appreciate the Bible for its literary depth, and for the value it carries as the product of a well-defined cultural group changing under extreme conditions over thousands of years, I can afford it only the sort of truth held by any highly involved work of fiction.

I also began to feel more at home in the abstract sanctuary of research and study than in the physical sanctuary of church and common lives.

The start of my last attempt to preserve God in my worldview can essentially be found on the September 24, 2004 post of this blog. I tried to see a cultural mind, and then find a way for this culture-created God to end up corresponding to a supernatural God independent of culture. There is no way to establish such a relation that I have found. Notice that this is no proof, as to use it in such a manner would be to argue by lack of imagination.

So the entirety of the supernatural will have to be separated from my desire to understand the world, which is what I am. And I will not claim to hold something as part of my basic self when it is irreconcilable and a hindrance to my basic self.

I just thought I should be open about this.